Hola peeps,

Last night, Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace interviewed Daily Show host Jon Stewart for 24 minutes. Now, the news cycle is such that that which is in rotation today is out the door tomorrow with little time spent reviewing or rewatching old footage for anything other than a snappy quote. But Stewart and Wallace war over the soul of Journalism for nearly half an hour, and I’ll be duh-amned if I’m going to let that drift away into the ether, so what follows is a transcript of their entire convo. I’m not posting this through any of my social media outlets because none of it is explicitly transy, but I hope you might take the time to read, as text isn’t influenced by the speaker’s tone and cadence, but is simply what they’re saying. And since I built this site to educate, I figure the fate and motivation of modern news media directly relates to just about everythin’.

The original 7.5 page transcript was done by DiegoUK on Daily Kos. This transcript is 11 pages, with edits and additions done by me, and is based on the full interview video released on the net after the original broadcasting DiegoUK‘s transcript is based on. My thanks to Daily Kos, DiegoUK, and the site’s policy that “Site content may be used for any purpose without explicit permission unless otherwise specified.”

WALLACE: It was last November when Jon Stewart promised on his show he would come here and answer my questions. After months of evasion, disconnected phone numbers, and press agents saying, “Who are you again?” — it appears he finally ran out of excuses. And so, Jon Stewart, welcome to “Fox News Sunday.”

STEWART: Thank you so much, Chris. I really — I appreciate it. I just want to say, as a viewer, I can’t tell you how disappointed I am that you would sully a program of this integrity, of this quality, with the presence such as Jon Stewart.

WALLACE: Like Groucho Marx saying you didn’t want want to be a member of a club-

STEWART: Believe me, you will be reading on air my angry e-mail about the fact that you had me on.

WALLACE: How does it feel to be in the belly of the beast?

STEWART: Is this the belly?

WALLACE: Yeah.

STEWART: Oh, I didn’t realize you were in the belly. I thought there was a slightly different appendage that was down here, but this is nice. This is, uh, I told you as I came in, beautifully climate controlled, an ease of parking. For a New Yorker, this is-

WALLACE: Have you gotten validated yet?

STEWART: I got my parking, let me see if I still have it, I got my parking validated. I will ask you this. I don’t know if this is a metaphor for Washington bureaucracy but if somebody here could explain to me why New York Ave. becomes Massachusetts Ave. for no apparent reason without making a turn.

WALLACE: We’re not allowed to tell you that. Have you checked out the mugs?

STEWART: Yeah, they’re very nice. They’re very –

WALLACE: Do you see what it says on the inside of the mugs?

STEWART: Can I read it out loud? It’s somewhat anti-Semitic. Do you want me to read it?

WALLACE: “Fair and balanced.”

STEWART: It’s “Fair and balanced.”

WALLACE: Yes.

STEWART: Yeah. I like the fact that it’s –

WALLACE: How about — how about we toast and we both take a big drink out of our mugs?

STEWART: I’d be — you know, it’s interesting that the mug itself –

WALLACE: No, no. No talking. Just drink it. Just drink the water.

STEWART: Why do you want me to drink it?

WALLACE: Just, please.

STEWART: It’s just interesting that you want me to drink it. Why don’t you have a taste of this first?

WALLACE: I’m drinking it myself.

STEWART: Yes. But we could have different waters. I’ve seen this in a spy movie–

WALLACE: Come on, you wouldn’t be scared of this.

STEWART: All right.

WALLACE: Now, sip.

STEWART: There you go.

WALLACE: Well, and while you’re drinking — you love to take shots.

STEWART: Do I have typhoid now?

WALLACE: No, no…well, you might want a little more of it. You love to take shots at FOX News.

STEWART: Yes, I do.

WALLACE: Over the years, you have called us — and we’re going to put this on the screen because this is heavy stuff.

STEWART: Please.

WALLACE: “A biased organization, relentlessly promoting an ideological agenda under the rubric of being a news organization.”

STEWART: Rubric!

WALLACE: And — I actually think that was slightly the wrong use of the word rubric. “A relentless agenda-driven, 24-hour news opinion propaganda delivery system.”

STEWART: Yeah.

WALLACE: Where do you come up with this stuff?

STEWART: It’s actually quite easy when you feel it. You got to feel it in your soul, you know? You gotta really just lay it out there, as it where. So is that, are you suggesting you’re impressed with how well I describe things? Or, I’m not sure what you, you like the explicit and specific nature of it?

WALLACE: Well, here’s the deal. Are you willing to say the same thing about the mainstream media, about ABC, CBS, NBC, “Washington Post,” “New York Times”?

STEWART: No.

WALLACE: Would you say the same thing about them that they are — in your words — a propaganda delivery system relentlessly pushing a liberal agenda?

STEWART: No, I wouldn’t say that.

WALLACE: Why not?

STEWART: Cuz I don’t think they are. I think you are, FOX News is much more reactive in the sense that even like, somewhat like my show, the idea that… I guess I would say this: MSNBC is attempting that. I think they’re attempting that. They’ve looked at your business model and they’veve seen the success of it, and I think they’re attempting to be a more activist organization.

WALLACE: You don’t think “The New York Times” is a liberal organization?

STEWART: No.

WALLACE: Pushing a liberal agenda?

STEWART: “The New York Times”…no. I think they are to a certain extent. Do I think they’re relentlessly activist? No. In a purely liberal partisan way? No, I don’t. I think is this — FOX is a very special –

WALLACE: I want the shutters to go from your eyes because I’m going to prove it to you in the next few minutes.

STEWART: Oh, okay. I don’t — I’m excited about that.

WALLACE: Here we go.

STEWART: Can I tell you this? I love to learn. So you believe that FOX News is exactly the ideological equivalent of NBC News?

WALLACE: I think we’re the counterweight. I think we’re the counterweight. I think that they have a liberal agenda and I think that we tell the other side of the story. But, since this is my show, I’m asking the questions.

STEWART: You’re absolutely right, I aplogize.

WALLACE: Sarah Palin-

STEWART: I won’t get my parking un-validated, will I?

WALLACE: No, you’re gonna get outta here for free.

STEWART: I still get to park here for free?

WALLACE: Absolutely.

STEWART: Alright.

WALLACE: Such a deal.

STEWART: You’re a good man.

WALLACE: You made… Even you make fun of the fact that “The New York Times” and the “Washington Post” when this document dump of 24,000 e-mails of Sarah Palin was released, and they got so excited about it, they asked their readers: help us. Go through these 24,00 documents.

STEWART: Right.

WALLACE: How do you explain the fact that they would do that? They would ask the readers to help them go through the Palin e-mails — inconsequential as they turned out to be –

STEWART: Right.

WALLACE: — but they never said help us go through the 2,000 pages of the Obama health care bill?

STEWART: Because I think their bias is towards sensationalism and laziness. I wouldn’t say it’s towards a liberal agenda.

WALLACE: You don’t think maybe they went a little easier on the Obama health care bill?

STEWART: Oh I think they went easier on the Obama health care bill in the same way they went easier on the Levin-Coburn financial disaster study. I think that the emails, A, they’re in Twitter type so it’s a lot easier to go through. B, it’s light fluff. So, it’s absolutely within the wheelhouse. I mean, if your suggestion is that they are relentlessly partisan and why haven’t they gone and backed away from Weiner? Now, they’ve jumped into the Weiner pool — so, with such delight and relish, because the bias-

WALLACE: Some things are indefensible.

STEWART: — the bias of the mainstream media — oh, I’m not saying it’s defensible, but the bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict and laziness. So if you’re suggestion is it’s purely biased you’ve proved very little by suggesting that the Sarah Palin e-mails were

WALLACE: I’m just getting started.

STEWART: – embraced. No, I appreciate that.

WALLACE: You take your own shot recently at Sarah Palin. You compared her video of her one bus — One Nation bus tour to a certain commercial. Let’s take a look.

STEWART: Valtrex.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: As the tour rolls on.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Stopping at historic places, like Gettysburg, and then to Philadelphia, to see the Liberty Bell.

STEWART: You know what’s cool, man? The way they have reporters finishing each other’s sentences. Where have I seen that technique before?

I have genital herpes.

And I try to be careful. Very careful.

(CUE VALTREX AD)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: Sarah Palin and the herpes drug? Really?

STEWART: Yeah. As a technique for the commercial? So, you’re saying that by comparing the technique that she used in her video –

WALLACE: You’re not-

STEWART: -to a technique in her video-

WALLACE: You are not making a political comment?

STEWART: You really think that’s a political comment?

WALLACE: Yes.

STEWART: You’re insane.

WALLACE: Really?

STEWART: Yeah. Here’s the difference between you and I — I’m a comedian first. My comedy is informed by an ideological background. There’s no question about that. But the thing that you will never understand, and the thing that in some respect conservative activists will never understand, is that Hollywood, yeah, they’re liberal. But that’s not their primary motivating force. I’m not an activist. I’m a comedian. And my comedy’s informed by ideology-

WALLACE: I want to thank you-

STEWART: -there’s no question about that, but I am not an ideologue-

WALLACE: I want to thank you for saying that because –

STEWART: Yeah.

WALLACE: – Baltimore Sun TV critic David Zurawik — put it up on the screen — says that is your dodge. “Stewart has never held accountable in his media criticism, is he? When he is wrong, he goes in a tap dance of saying he’s only a comedian and shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

STEWART: OK. Let’s talk about that — when did I say to you I’m only a comedian? I said I’m a comedian first. That’s not only. Being a comedian is harder than what you do. What I do is much harder. I put material through a process, a comedic process. I don’t just sit and narrate-

WALLACE: But you are a political commentator. The comedy has a political –

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: Some of it.

WALLACE: Well let me-

STEWART: But it is comedy first. But let me-

WALLACE: Can I give you another example?

STEWART: No, let’s deal with it. Let’s talk about it.

WALLACE: I’m gonna do that.

STEWART: I want to find out why-

WALLACE: Here’s your take on GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain.

STEWART: Beautiful. Where is it?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HERMAN CAIN (R), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: That’s why I’m going to only allow small bills. Three pages. You’ll have time to read that one over the dinner table.

STEWART: If I am president, treaties will have to fit on the back of a cereal box! From now, on the “State of the Union” address will be delivered in the form of a fortune cookie! I am Herman Cain, and I do not like to read.

(LAUGHTER)

(END VIDEO CLIPS)

WALLACE: You’re planning a remake of “Amos ‘n’ Andy”?

STEWART: Why don’t you show — do you want to show me doing all the voices for all the other people that we do? You want to see my New York voice? My Chinese guy voice? Are you suggesting that you and I are the same? Are you suggesting that — what am I at my highest aspiration, and what are you at your highest aspiration?

WALLACE: I think -

STEWART: Tell me.

WALLACE: – honestly, I think you want to be a political player.

STEWART: You are wrong. You’re dead wrong. I appreciate what you’re saying. Do I want my voice heard? Do I want my voice heard? Absolutely. That’s why I got into comedy. That’s why I do what I do.

WALLACE: You’re not Jerry Seinfeld.

STEWART: No, I do comedy. Have…what am I at my highest aspiration? Who am I?

WALLACE: I think-

STEWART: Am I Edward R. Murrough or am I Mark Twain? At my highest aspiration?

WALLACE: Oh, of that, of those two? Mark Twain.

STEWART: Right.

WALLACE: But Mark Twain had a lot of political impact.

STEWART: But was that his main thrust? Am I an activist in your mind, an ideological partisan activist?

WALLACE: Yeah.

STEWART: OK. Then I disagree with you. I absolutely disagree with you that that’s the case.

WALLACE: I think you’re pushing-

STEWART: And I don’t think-

WALLACE: I think you take shots at, although I think it’s mostly to maintain credibility and you’re not as comfortable with it, you take shots at Obama, but you like to make fun of Conservatives.

STEWART: You can’t understand, because of the world you live in, that there is not a designed ideological agenda on my part to affect partisan change because that’s the soup you swim in. And I appreciate that. And I understand it. It reminds me of, you know — you know, in ideological regimes. They can’t understand that there is free media other places, because they receive marching orders. And if you want me to go through Bill Salmon’s e-mails and-

WALLACE: How do you explain me?

STEWART: Oh I think you do a nice job and I’ve told you that on the show. I think you’re one of the most interesting-

WALLACE: Do you think I get my marching orders?

STEWART: I think that you are here, in some respects, to bring a credibility and an integrity to an organization that might not otherwise have it without your presence. So, you are here as a counterweight to Hannity, let’s say, or you are here as a counterweight to Glenn Beck, because otherwise, it’s just pure talk radio and it doesn’t establish the type of political play that it wants to be.

WALLACE: It’s a part.

STEWART: I understand that.

WALLACE: Wait –

(CROSSTALK)

STEWART: But for you, there is hope — this is important.

WALLACE: No, this is — but you sound like.

(CROSSTALK)

WALLACE: –you sound like Newt Gingrich during the CNN debate.

STEWART: Am I dodging you? Am I dodging you by saying I’m just a comedian?

WALLACE: No, you’re filibustering.

STEWART: To what?

WALLACE: Here is the question. Here is the question. And I think there are plenty of examples. Let me give you another example of -

STEWART: Alright.

WALLACE: -this isn’t you. This is the mainstream media.

STEWART: Okay.

WALLACE: Cuz we look for examples of liberal bias, of no partisan agenda. I just-

STEWART: I’m not suggesting there’s no liberal bias in the media but you’re suggesting there is an equivalence of FOX News and ABC, and I think that’s absolutely silly.

WALLACE: Alright. Here’s Diane Sawyer. Diane Sawyer, leading her program last year announcing the new Immigration law. Take a look.

STEWART: All right.

WALLACE: Diane Sawyer, leading her program last year, announcing the new immigration law. Take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DIANE SAWYER, “ABC WORLD NEWS”: If a stranger walking down the street or riding the bus does not seem to be a U.S. citizen, is it all right for the police to stop and question him? Well, today, the governor of Arizona signed a law that requires police to do just that.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: But that isn’t what the law requires them to do. In fact, the law says the only way that you can stop somebody, as part of a lawful enforcement stop, you can’t just say, hey, you’re walking down the street exactly as she suggested. It has to be because there’s a broken taillight or they’re loitering, or they’re do something else. Don’t you think she should have mentioned that?

STEWART: Sure. Yeah, no, I think you’re right. I think we should have more full context and more of the types of things that you’re talking about. But I don’t understand how that’s purely a liberal or conservative bias. That’s, like I said, sensationalist and somewhat lazy. But I don’t understand how that’s partisan.

WALLACE: I don’t think-

(CROSSTALK)

WALLACE: -to bash the Arizona law and to mischaracterize what it did.

STEWART: First of all, if that’s a bash, then that is the mildest form of bash. It’s a form of subtle misinformation.

WALLACE: Can I give you another example?

STEWART: No!

WALLACE: No? No?

STEWART: Let me just-

WALLACE: This is stopping our show.

STEWART: You can give me another example when I give you my feeling about what the context of that is. Yesterday there was the Weiner press conference. Every single one of the 24 hour news networks…24 hour news networks are built for one thing and that’s 9/11. And, y’know, the type of gigantic news event , that the type of apparatus that exists in this building and exists at the other 24 news hours is perfectly suited to cover. Any absence of that, they’re not just gonna say there’s not that much that’s not urgent or important or conflicted happening today, so we’re going to gin up, going to bring forth more conflict, more sensationalism because we want you to continue watching us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, even when the news doesn’t necessarily warrant that type of behavior. So, here’s my example of what news bias is, in my mind. Three networks: FOX, CNN and MSNBC, are going live to the Nancy Pelosi news conference, because they are sure, coming on the heels of Anthony Weiner resigning, that she is going to make some sort of incredible statement about, y’know, “I’m disappointed in Anthony Weiner,” so they’re all locked on it. And the whole time there’s hand wringing. Aw, I can’t believe we have to go and do this. The American people don’t care about this, they care about jobs, they care about the economy, that’s what the American people care about. We’re about to go live to Speaker Pelosi, she’s about to do that. She steps up to the podium and says what? “I’m not gonna comment about Anthony Weiner, I’m going to talk about jobs, and I’m going to talk about the economy.” And what did everybody do?

WALLACE: Left.

STEWART: So what’s your proof again, about the partisan agenda? And what I do? That’s the embarrassment. The embarrassment is that I’m given credibility in this world because of the disappointment that the public has in what the news media does.

WALLACE: I don’t think –

STEWART: — not because I have an ideological agenda.

WALLACE: I don’t think our viewers are the least bit disappointed with us. I think our viewers think, finally, they’re getting somebody who tells the other side of the story.

STEWART: Right. And in polls-

WALLACE: No, no, no. One more example.

STEWART: Who is the most consistently misinformed media viewers? The most consistently misinformed? Fox. Fox viewers. Consistently, every poll.

WALLACE: Can we talk about your network?

STEWART: Yes.

WALLACE: Can we talk about Comedy Central?

STEWART: I’d be delighted to.

WALLACE: Because case and point –

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How did you physically have sex with Tommy Lee? He has a huge (EXPLETIVE DELETED). If he put that thing in front of my face, I wouldn’t know whether I should (EXPLETIVE DELETED) spit or feed it a peanut.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: That’s not exactly “Masterpiece Theater” you’re working for.

STEWART: You’re damn right. And I think I’m perfectly placed. I think that is my — that is where I belong.

WALLACE: You’re the counterbalance to that.

STEWART: No.

WALLACE: Do you know that I had to go through episodes of South Park. I had to see Cartman’s mom is a slut, parts one and two. I had to look at Reno 911.

STEWART: Can I tell you something about those guys? They are brilliant guys. The South Park guys are brilliant guys and their ability to satirize-

WALLACE: Okay, but the next time you’re sitting there haranguing FOX, just remember: that’s where you work.

STEWART: No, wait, I completely agree with, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Are you suggesting you and I are the same, that’s what I’m trying to get my head around.

WALLACE: I’m not suggesting we’re the same, I’m suggesting that there’s good stuff and bad stuff, I’m suggesting that there is bias and that you only tell part of the story.

STEWART: Oh, there’s no question that I don’t tell the full story. I mean, I don’t disagree with that. But I don’t not tell the full story based on a purely ideological partisan agenda. That’s my point. My point isn’t –

WALLACE: I think your agenda is more out there, and you’re pushing more of an agenda than you pretend to.

STEWART: I disagree with you. I think that I’m pushing comedy and my ideological agenda informs it, at all times. Now, that agenda or my ideology is at times liberal, at times can lean more conservative, but it’s about absurdity. It’s about absurdity and it’s about corruption. And that is the agenda that we push. It is an anti-corruption, anti-lack of authenticity, anti-contrivance, and if I see that more in one area than I do in another, well then I will defend every single thing that we put on that show. And I’m not dodging you in any way by suggesting that our main thrust is comedic.

STEWART: I will defend everything that we put on this show.

STEWART: Oh, and by the way, how often do you see your show on my show? My beef isn’t with you.

WALLACE: Okay.

STEWART: But I believe you exist as — I think that Mr. Ailes has very brilliantly put you on. And I think you’re a tough interviewer. I think you’re a fair interviewer. I think some of the things that –

WALLACE: Keep going.

(LAUGHTER)

WALLACE: I wanted to ask you a couple of final questions.

STEWART: By the way, did you really have to watch all those South Parks? Cuz they are funny.

WALLACE: Well, okay.

STEWART: Those guys are brilliant.

WALLACE: I disagree with you again.

STEWART: Oh, really?

WALLACE: Are you disappointed in Barack Obama as president?

STEWART: Yes, I think I am.

WALLACE: Do you think he’s lived up to his promise to fix the economy?

STEWART: No. I don’t know the kind of sway that a president can have on the economy, but do I believe that he’s lived up to the promises? No. I think the fundamental disagreement I probably have with his administration is simple, and that is that he came in and said you can’t expect to have a different result with the same people. That was, in many ways, his seminal campaign focus. And all I see as far as economic stewardship are the guys that got us into this mess in the first place. Geithner and Summers and those guys, and the types of policies that got us into this mess.

WALLACE: Honestly, did you watch any of the CNN debate with the Republicans?

STEWART: Mm-hmm.

WALLACE: Did you see anybody on the stage who you could envision voting for against Obama?

STEWART: That debate to me focused… You know, it’s very hard to say cuz right now they’re still in red meat mode, and so when I see in a debate that still focuses so much on Gay marriage and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and types of things where I tend to glaze over, and I thought that in general, you know, their responses to things in terms of tax cuts being the magic bullet as to what it is — so far, I haven’t heard anything that appeals to my sense of, that intrigues me politically, or in any way that is different. What intrigued me about Obama was a statement that I thought he understood the corrosiveness of the system that existed, and I thought he was going to do more to blow that system up.

WALLACE: When is the last time you voted for a Republican for president?

STEWART: For president? H. W.

WALLACE: Against Bill Clinton?

STEWART: No.

WALLACE: Against Michael Dukakis?

STEWART: That’s right.

WALLACE: Really? How come?

STEWART: He seemed like a different — there was an integrity about him that I respected greatly. And there’s something about tiny people in helmets.

WALLACE: But he would have been a great 4 or 8 years as president for you. Would have been right in your wheelhouse.

STEWART: I mean I wasn’t a comedian per se at that time. If that’s the barometer of whether or not I’m an ideological warrior, and I think that’s what you’re suggesting, is that an ideological warrior is someone that will not vote against a party, I mean, again, I’m not exactly sure, I assume that part of this is to delegitimize criticism against Fox by suggesting that it’s coming from a place of contrived political –

WALLACE: I’m just trying to understand you.

STEWART: Is that really true?

WALLACE: Yes.

STEWART: Because here’s the thing that surprises me about that. I’ve existed in this country forever. There have been people like me who satirize the political process and who have satirized — what was it that Will Rogers said? How crazy is it when politicians are a joke and comedians are taken seriously? I’ve existed forever. The box that I exist in has always been around, the change is the box that you guys, you’ve moved closer to me. But I’d like to know what I’m doing that’s really different than what you’ve seen previously from satirical comedians that work in the political milieu. What is different about it, that makes you so perplexed?

WALLACE: I’m not saying I’m perplexed.

Well you’re trying to figure out what I am. What am I?

WALLACE: What I’m trying to say is that all I wanted to do, you make it sound like I’m trying to delegitimize you to defend FOX. That assumes-

STEWART: What is the purpose of trying to-

WALLACE: That assumes a kind of — and this is where I think you’re wrong and you don’t get it –

STEWART: That may be right.

WALLACE: — is that there is not a single marching order. There is not some kind of command. There is not a talking point memo. I’m saying –

STEWART: Well, that I disagree with.

WALLACE: I am sitting here talking to Jon Stewart and I’m trying to get it, trying to understand you, and trying to see whether or not you recognize that what I believe is true, that there is as much bias the other side as you subscribe to Fox, and why you seem to go easy on that.

STEWART: I believe that the counterweight to FOX is attempting to be MSN… Here’s what I think, that the mainstream media you so deride, I also deride. But we deride it for very different reasons. I deride the mainstream media for their focus on sensationalism and conflict. And you deride them because you think they’re relentlessly partisan. And I just disagree with that. I think that there is a — probably a liberal bias that exists within the media that is because of the medium in which it exists. I think that the majority of people working in it probably hold liberal viewpoints, but I don’t think that they are as relentlessly activist as the conservative movement that has risen up over the last 40 years. And that movement has decided that they have been victims of a witch hunt. And to some extent they’re right. People on the right are called racists and they’re called things with an ease that I am uncomfortable with — and homophobic and all those other things. And I think that that is absolutely something that they have a real right to be angry about and to feel that they have been vilified for those things. And I’ve been guilty of doing some of those things myself.

WALLACE: I just wanna say, cuz we gotta go, I accept your apology. I want to thank you for coming on.

STEWART: Do you get me?

WALLACE: Well, you know what? When you come back we can explore this some more.

STEWART: All right.

WALLACE: And we validate.

STEWART: Still? You’re a good man.